the hardest truth
by dirtyhipster
Summary: for the entirety of his adult life, james potter has wanted to be an auror. will he still want the career when he finds out exactly what it includes? ONESHOT. JPLP.


**this is my first story. at least, my first story on here. please read, and review. don't be to hard on me?**

_**disclaimer: i don't own anything having to do with harry potter.**_

"Why didn't you do this earlier?"

It shouldn't be as hard to find his clothes as it was proving to be. James Potter was furiously chucking trunks, forgotten socks, and end tables out of his way. All his other dorm mates had packed up their things at a reasonable time. In theory, everything on the floor should be his. However, some of the boys had taken this packing thing as an opportunity to get rid of some clothes they didn't enjoy. The boy frantically rushing around picked up ugly shirt after tattered jeans and tossed them to the floor. James had decided to wait until right after dinner, the day before his graduation. It took him a few moments to realize that his Lily was speaking to him.

The girl sat cross- legged on his bed, leaning back and supporting her weight with her palms. James looked up at her from the part of the floor he'd been sliding around on, looking under beds. "Time got away from me." That was the truth. This week had been so hectic, James hardly had time to stop and think about what the date was. Lily was always one step ahead of him, always at least a bit more prepared more than he was. God bless her, it wasn't her fault. It was merely her nature; but the questions like these ones were driving him mad.

Lily uncrossed her legs and stepped off the bed, sweeping his comb, razor and other toiletries off the large oak table that stood near the front of the room into a small plastic baggie. She tossed it over her shoulder and it landed right in the middle of his trunk. "Well, it looks like you're almost done." She said, placing her hands on her hips and looking about the room. James stood up, taking the same stance as she.

"To be honest with you, I don't know if that's an accurate statement or not." He said, skimming every surface. "If I've missed anything, it can't be that important, right?" He snapped the lid on his trunk down. To this question, Lily sighed heavily, but didn't answer. She was probably pondering that old "opposites attract" slogan. She shrugged, giving up. James smiled at her as if thanking her. This day was much more stressful than it needed to be, and she wasn't helping.

Lily sat on the trunk, trying to force the lid further closed. The small clasp on the front that kept it shut looked like it was about to break off. James sunk down next to her. There was something unsaid, but easily felt in the room. It was their last day in this dorm. James had slept in these rooms since he was eleven, and Lily had been sleeping a short distance away. They both looked around, silently picturing memories that had taken place in the room. Although Lily's were more recent, they were certainly vivid. James thought about the bonds of his strongest friendships. They'd been formed here. He ran a hand over the trunk.

It didn't appear Lily was going to speak, so James broke the silence. "I guess I'm going to miss it here." She simply nodded in responce.

--

James Potter had dreamt of being an Auror for the Ministry for years. Since he'd received the results of his O.W.L's, and found he'd met the requirments for a cool job like keeping the wizarding world safe. The job title came with certain finesse. It was like being a spy or a body guard. The fact that Lily and Sirius both had interests in the very same career did not deter him in the least. In fact, it only fed his fuel to become the best damn Auror the Ministry had ever seen. Things that he'd discussed with Dumbledore changed his vision a little, but not drastically. Apparently, the Ministry wasn't as straightforward as everyone thought. The semantics didn't matter much to James.

He was practically oblivious to the real threat that Lord Voldemort posed. James knew he was the bad guy, and himself, the rest of the Order, and the Ministry were all out to get him. James also knew that Lord Voldemort had been a graduate of Hogwarts. How could they let a thing like that pass through their doors? James had never seen this man, or whatever he was, but certainly he couldn't behave or look like a normal person. That was all out of his range, though. It had happened long ago, and James's job was so bring him down.

So, why was he trapped in this house all the time? The headquarters for the Order of the Pheonix were dirty, dusty and cramped. There was hardly enough room here for three people, let alone fourteen. Sometimes people James didn't know would pop in and give some sort of update. It must have been nice to be one of those people. He wanted to actually see what was going on outside these filthy walls.

This had gone on for nearly two months. James was a recently newlywed. His wife was with him in all this waiting, but she merely told him to be patient. He'd smile, and nod. He didn't want to cause any sort of rift between his new wife and himself, so he was constantly on eggshells. That would fade away soon enough, he thought. The events since graduation all seemed to lead him to this job, this career, this life. However, it certainly wasn't what he thought it was. He didn't know if he could sit in this house, day after day and merely discuss what was going on in the war. He wanted to be in the war. He wanted to be the one discussed.

Presently, he sat at a desk. James was bent over a piece of parchment that had several things scribbled on it. He had copied these scraps from newspaper articles, trying to piece them together but also wanting to look like he was doing something useful. The boy sipped at his cup of black, cold coffee. He grimaced. This definitely needed a warm- up if he was going to sit at the desk until dinner.

James rose from his old chair and walked into the kitchen, sitting in a chair and laying his head on his hand while he used his wand to make himself another cup of coffee. Just seconds after he'd started, Molly Weasly came bustling in. James liked Molly a lot. She was a sweet woman with a cheerful disposition. Sometimes, her cooking made it all seem worth it. He looked up from his lazy stance when she cracked him on the head with her knuckle. "What was that for?"

"I was trying to get your attention and you didn't even flinch!"

"Oh." James muttered. Had he really been that out of sorts? "What is it, then?"

"Mad- Eye Moody is at the door, and he'd like a word with you."

James was on his feet before Molly had finished her sentence. Mad- Eye Moody was someone like James's own personal hero. He was just the kind of Auror James wanted to be. Not the same person, as Mad- Eye was just a bit off. Certainly he had the job down though.

James went to the front door with light feet. When he arrived, Moody was waiting for him. He hadn't even taken off his jacket. Lily was there, and Sirius too. They'd gotten a message from Moody to meet him too, apparently. James looked at them with a nod. His attention was quickly seized by Moody.

"There's been a battle of sorts, a ways from here. Inferi have tore clean through a post of Auror's the Ministry set up." Moody gestured for them to grab his arm, which they all did without speaking. Inferi? There was no way he was correct. James knew what Inferi were, and he knew they existed but the thought of them being alive- so to speak- outside of a textbook was something fresh and unwanted in his mind.

In a few moments, they were in a forest of sorts. James had no idea where they were, and he suspected Moody was the only one who did. In his thoughts of location, he almost forgot a crucial detail. He was outside of headquarters. There was a different view! There was fresh air! A wide grin spread over James' face. They'd finally let him out of the house. Maybe he'd be allowed to leave and fight for the cause along with the others now. Maybe they were taking him seriously. Maybe-

"Potter! Watch your feet!"

James looked down. His foot was suspended in midair above what looked like a few rags on the ground. James looked harder at the rags and discovered they were clothes. A large wound was in the middle of the clothes, and organs, as well as blood oozed out of it. James's eyes widened. "Wh- what the hell... who..."

"Voldemort, of course, boy!" Moody barked.

The boy looked further out. At least three hundred feet in front of him, there was a field. Bodies covered the grass. There wasn't a single space that didn't have dead tissue covering it. Flies were uproarious at the feast that lay before them. Men lay with unseeing, frightened eyes. Women's mouths were wide open with their last scream featured on their faces. James bit back a gag. An overwhelming dizziness came over him, and he put his elbow to his forehead.

After the spell had passed, he looked around to see his comrade's reactions. Lily had her back to the scene, and Sirius merely stood silent, watching. The carnage was more than James had ever even imagined in his life. He looked at Moody, who was looking straight at him. It was then that James had discovered why Moody had brought him here. James complained of never being able to leave, of never seeing an action since the first week he came to the Order. Moody wanted to show him what it was really like to be in the fight against Voldemort.

James looked back out to the field. One of those bodies could be his wife. Another, his best friend. Another one could be Dumbledore or Molly. James looked away. Suddenly, the job description wasn't so glamorous anymore. Nothing seemed glamorous. Nothing would ever be as it seemed again. However, James wanted this job more than he ever had. He wanted it for the reason before him, or rather to prevent it. Never again did he want innocent blood to spill at the hands of Voldemort or his men. Peace became the most important thing. Peace, and life.


End file.
